Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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