Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
