just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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