Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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