Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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