After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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