he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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