Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
