paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
is it fun? or sober?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
