I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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