if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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