obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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