By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
