Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
