now i know why i became what i already was.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
