1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
