By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
