the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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