I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
