Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.