xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.