he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
