I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".