I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder