my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?