DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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