"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
