So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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