some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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