I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
