I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
