i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
