Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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