Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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