I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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