I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
