We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
