It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
