You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
