I wish my penis had an off switch
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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