I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think my mom watched the whole time
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
