FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
