If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
