Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
