whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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