i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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