She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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