and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
