I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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