I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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