So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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