Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All I want is dick and wine.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?