I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.