Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.