I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
