you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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