Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
