i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
