..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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