he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
