i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
