You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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