sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
being pregnant is like rehab
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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