I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
