my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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