Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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