your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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