is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
