Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
