if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The ass gains better be worth it
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