party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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