I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
