I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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