I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
