You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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