just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
