So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
