Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
