I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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