So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
