i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
