I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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